I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
