Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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