How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
