I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize