pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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