I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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