She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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