Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
