Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Are my feet made of real feet?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
