if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize