I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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