She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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