tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
