he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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