I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Vodka?
Forever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
