Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
