don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
