I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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