Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
