I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
