Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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