a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
