I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont even know how to be here
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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