Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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