thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
