i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
