Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
