I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
