so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
