i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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