dude i'm inner monologue high
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
