Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
