a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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