I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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