my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
