ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
