Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize