Please, let me fuck your mom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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