No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
