The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pappa wants mamma naked
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
