If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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