He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
