That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dick very happy bro
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
