a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
