He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
