Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
