She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
