hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
