you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
