You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
