Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a hot homeless man
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
