Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize