dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize