Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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