your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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