"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
