booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
