so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
