1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
