it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize