the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
