I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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