i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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