So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
