i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
