you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
