arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
