So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize