It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
