At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
