Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
