I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Shame - the story of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
