I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
