her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
