I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
