I'm lost and stupid without you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
