i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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