2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize