# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
