We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
