Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and she was petting her beer can
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
