Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
