I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
