An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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