I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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