This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
