I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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