In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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