took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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