There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
