Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
