I accidentally burped into my bong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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