Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
