I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
