I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
