this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
