Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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