Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize